no coffees makes for kelsi bad writingness

it is almost 12:30pm and i just woke up. i'm not sure how that happened, because i normally wake up before 9:00 when i don't have an alarm set. i should have had coffee in my system about two and a half hours ago, so i'm not in a really clear headspace. i've been having a lot of bad dreams lately. prettymuch only bad dreams - or at least that's all that i can remember. it makes me not want to go to sleep, but then real life makes me not want to get out of bed, haha. i guess it's a catch 22. the dreams are starting to fade now, but the one that kept me in bed, i still remember a little bit. i think i was in school or something, like a college maybe. i met a boy and he spoke sweetly to me and made me feel good about myself. i just met him but i felt like i had known him before. time went on, i guess we dated or something. then we were supposed to meet for a movie. he didn't show up. i was worried about him. i went looking for him. i saw him in a cafe at a table with two girls that i didn't know. i talked to the waitress. "oh, HIM." she said. she told me he was scum. he used girls. she knew. she knew. i went over to the table and confronted him. he looked smug and made no apologies. his silence infurated me. i started crying and screaming at the bastard and "you lied to me! you lied to me!" and hurling everything at him that i could reach. and still he said nothing.
so i woke up with a heart that was too heavy to lift out of bed. i continued to lay there, trying to remember what he looked like, but i couldn't. i fell back to sleep.
then i had another dream where i had teeth falling out. why do i always have those dreams? as far back as i can remember i have had dreams where my teeth start falling out and they are always different, but always really traumatizing. this time, i was pushing my tongue against one of my bottom teeth and it suddenly came loose and started bleeding a lot. it was really painful. i was at home... home being the house i grew up in, in california, i guess. it's really the only place i dream of when i dream of being at home. anyway, i was at home with my sister, my mom had gone somewhere. it was night time and i was crying and i didn't know what to do. then a tooth on top came loose.
this is the last thing i remember before waking up with a raging headache. i went to the bathroom and immediately brushed my teeth, and just then, alicia came home from school, which meant it was 12:30. fuck. there goes half my day. getting my heart and teeth broken. i could really use some coffee, right. fucking. now.