i will sing your fears if you sing my neurosis

i'm not entirely sure if this is the first time i have thought of this or not, but whilst being neurotic today, i came to the not-so-shocking realization that i am a lot more neurotic when i am by myself than i am when i am with other people. sure, everyone is, but i mean, i am really a lot more neurotic. it's not necessarily a bad thing. i LIKE being alone. i enjoy my own company. i kidn of enjoy my neurosis. but i am pretty fuckin weird in a lot of little ways.
example #1: i prefer my stereo to be on multiples of 5... usually 10, 15, or 20. if i am feeling extra screamy-loudy, then 25. none of those inbetween numbers are fit. it just FEELS better to turn it to a multiple of 5. it's not a big deal if it's not on a multiple of 5, i won't freak out or anything, but it's how i prefer it. if someone else puts it on a different number though, that doesn't bother me, it's only if i do it.
example #2: at starbucks was actually when i noticed it today; i had to get 3 napkins, they all needed to be re-folded properly and stacked exactly evenly upon each other before i could use them to hold my drink with.
example #3: without fail, i have to check the lock on a public bathroom 3 times before i can use the toilet. i always feel like if i don't, i will get walked in on. this fear was compounded a few weeks ago at work. i failed to check the lock... i think i had to pee really bad or something. i THOUGHT it was locked but someone opened the door anyway. luckily i was pulling my pants on at this point so no one saw anything haha. public bathrooms. christ. i have a lot of qualms with public bathrooms, but i think that things like not touching door handles and whatnot is more of a sanitation issue than being neurotic.
there are a lot of other silly little examples that i could give, but that gives you the idea. i think that i do a lot more of these kinds of things when i am by myself. it's either that i do it less around other people because other people are a distraction, or i do it the same amount but i don't notice that i do because people are a distraction.
i have gotten a lot better over the years. when i was little i was a LOT worse with the (self-diagnosed) ODC tendencies. i had to touch the wall a certain amount of times every time i left my bedroom, i had to recite a certain thing sort of like a prayer every night before bed, i couldn't be uncovered in bed, ever, especially my feet, i always had to have my back up against something, i had to cross my fingers and hold my breath as we drove past a graveyard, if a pet had died in a room of my house, i had to hold my breath while in that room, at least until i could open a window, i had things in my room arranged just so and i would get really into a panic if anyone would touch them or move them, etc. etc. etc. the list goes on and on and on.
i never really told anyone about most of these things. my mom knew a few of them, but definitely not the whole of it. i guess because i was embarrassed, but it doesn't bother me now. so. yes. neurotic. but less than i used to be, and happily so. the end?