i can never think up names for my poems and shite..

i lay here all alone and i sweat through the sheets
and then i freeze to death when i'm ready to sleep
because there's too much room with nothing and no one beside me
this sickness is the only company i keep
and dead silence where there used to be a heart beat

fml.

you gave more than i would have asked for
i can't carve it out, though i've tried it before
and it kills me to know that it's dying in there
what once pinched with a thrill now just seems like a bore
i hate that i can't do with purpose
all the things that are done to me
its gone, too far below the surface
and it feeds on selected memories
you are the worst diet i could have asked for
i'm choking on the words i tried saying before
everything i eat makes me want to throw up
and everything i learn makes me hungry for more

rough draft i guess

i knew a boy once and we became friends
then one day he told me he really liked me
but he couldn't read me
and he wanted to know if i felt the same
i didn't.

so for a while we acted like nothing had happened
i guess he decided that he couldn't stand it
because he grew distant and he wouldn't see me
and eventually we just stopped talking
and that's how i lost a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
then one day he confessed that he was in love with me
that it was for real, and that he was sorry
because he knew that i wouldn't feel the same
and i didn't.

so for a long time we acted like nothing had happened
then he moved on and he got a girlfriend
then he grew distant and then he ignored me
and still to this day i think that it's crappy
that i had to lose a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
i thought he might like me because i liked him
but in the end i guess he didn't.

you see, i barely saw him but we kept in touch
but really that wasn't nearly enough
he was too sweet to me, he was a tease
and one time i gave him a letter and said
all of the things in my heart and the things in my head
and after that, i never heard from him again
and that's a really shitty way to lose a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
and he liked me, and i liked him
then before i knew it, i was his girlfriend

so for a long time we were together
and he kind of scared me with his talk of "forever"
we didn't really have too much in common
and i wasn't really too sure why i liked him
some years went by and i lost who i was
i changed so much and realized that i wasn't in love
and i hated myself, and who i'd become
so i broke his heart and was so naive to think we could stay friends

now i know a boy, he's one of my friends
i guess he likes me, and i really like him
but he doesn't want a girlfriend.

so we're acting right now like nothing has happened
and we still hang out and i still see him
i just hope that he doesn't grow distant
because i just at least don't want to lose a friend.