Showing posts with label ordinariness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ordinariness. Show all posts

so, i suck at blogging on a timely basis.

it has been brought to my attention that i haven't blogged in "weeks" i.e. 6 days...i actually really would like to talk about camp tomato, which i did on sunday, but i want to get the photos uploaded and edited and stuff first for your viewing... pleasure?

in lieu of that, here is a conversation that i had with one of the regulars at mirkwood today.

jackie: you're looking really good, kelsi, how did you lose weight?
kelsi: oh, thanks. um, i broke up with my boyfriend and then i didn't eat for like a month.
jackie: so all you did was not eat for a month and you lost weight? no exercise or anything?
kelsi: ew, no. i don't exercise.

the diet of champions! i actually think i am starting to gain a little bit of weight back, now that i AM eating, and eating voraciously, which is not ideal, but it's whatever. i need to figure out how to lose BOOB WEIGHT because now i am a size medium everywhere except my boobs. so i buy a medium shirt or dress, it fits great except the boobs are too tight and it is stretched or i am squashed awkwardly. i buy a large shirt and it fits fine in the boobs but then the rest of it looks like a tent. so frustrating! AND i bought another bra that doesn't fit. normally i get a 34DD and i thought that maybe if i got a 36DD it might fit better. no. it doesn't. it is very ill-fitting indeed. so i am just stuck with the 34DD which is impossible. are there boob exercises or something?! i would like to be a C but i don't forsee that happening. i should i say, i don't forC that happening... har har.

p.s. if i keep losing hair the way that i have been (in massive, massive amounts), i am probably going to have to give up on growing it out for now and cut it shorter - the thought of which makes me really sad.

the mirkwood brings out all the weirdos.

tonight was a lot of fun despite the plethora of weirdos to navigate around. at least some of them are good for a laugh.
erin and i determined that it's a really good thing that we don't act on our first impulses because everyone would think we were total bitches if we did. if we had no conscience or self-control and did act on our first impulses, it would make for a very interesting night though. i would have kissed one guy, barfed on a different guy's head, told off an old man, danced to some good music, and possibly physically assaulted at least one person haha. all of those things, save for the dancing, would have probably gotten me in a whole mess of trouble. oh, and erin DEFINITELY would have punched at least a couple of people in the head.
i am not a bad person because my first impulse is to do any of those things, i am a good person because i never actually DO do those things.
so suffice to say, i did none of those things, and just remained in my quiet little box of trying to only talk to my friends but if forced to talk to other people, be somewhat polite even if i don't like them. in the long run it gets me nowhere, but i guess nowhere is where i want to be right now.
maybe i will tell off that old man one of these days though. he is seriously starting to grind my gears. he needs to butt the fuck out of other people's business. if you think this dude-bro is so handsome, then quit trying to convince ME of it and YOU fuckin give him YOUR number instead of telling me to give him my number, right in front of him, and YOU go fuckin marry him and move to georgia and have four kids because the thought of that makes me want to off myself. you're not fuckin cupid, dude. quit being all creepy and trying to hook everyone up with everyone else. let people live their own lives. and YES i do mind that you think i'm "so darn gorgeous" and that you "wish you were 25..." becuase it's fucking creepy borderline sexual harassment, and NO i will not go dance, not all girls dance. fuck! OH, AND NO, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU. don't give yourself that much credit, you don't have THAT kind of power over me. i just think you're an old creepy creeperson who needs to butt out of everyone's lives.
on a lighter note, i think i'm gonna get to go see jason webley tomorrow night if alicia still wants to go. if not, i'll probably go to the same show i went to tonight and see the same people that i do and don't want to see and have some fun and get harrassed some. i guess it all evens out. it would be so nice if i could just talk to the people i want to talk to the whole time and not have to talk to the weirdies, without being a total bitch about it. but i wanna see jason webley anyway! and then camp tomato on sundayyyyyy yeah!

♬ who needs love when the sandwiches are wicked and they know you at the mac store? ♬

this has been a fucking lovely few days off and i have been in a truly excellent mood! (is it weird that any time i see/say/hear the word "truly" i just think "jem is outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous oooo jem!"? also when i mention jem, WHY DOES NO ONE EVER KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT?! there is no excuse. none.) anyway. i'll break it down into a few simple equations...

sunday = good company + air show + sunshine x (not too much) + mirkfood

monday = much needed time by myself + delicious sandwich + MAC + new clothes + cleaning

tuesday = good company + comics + coffee + cupcakes + people watching + superb weather

what more could i ask for on my days off, really???

now that i have the ability to charge my camera, i keep forgetting to take pictures with it! gahh! so no pictures of being out and about but a couple of loot pics...

i heart MAC, hell yeah!


CUTE new dress that i bought and wore today. loves it.




i need to go to the beach or something so i have occasion to wear this romper...


and i love when my hair decides to be crazy on its own

through the gates of horn and ivory

last night, for the first time in a few months, i didn't have nightmares all night and wake up nauseous. i don't know why. i actually had a GOOD dream. it was fucking lovely, which makes it almost worse than having a nightmare, because i woke up to realize that it was just a stupid dream and clearly i was still alone. and it was one of those really vivid, lucid dreams that i so rarely get, though now i am forgetting the details, it's more just a feeling, a yummy fuzzy warm feeling that i missed having, and it's painful to have because i don't think it will be coming back any time soon since i haven't got any say in anything. so now it's just a really nice memory of a resolution that i only wish had happened. sad, silly girl.
the only thing that i did differently last night from most nights was that i forgot to bring home my computer so i was forced to read BOOKS instead of go online, which was actually really nice. i read the first part of "the sandman companion" which talks about hidden layers in the sandman graphic novel series. then i started reading "a bridge across forever" which is a book by richard bach, the author of the book "illusions" which is by far one of my favorite novels ever. it's a close tie with "the bell jar" for being my favorite actually. anyway, i have had this book on my shelf forever but been reluctant to read it, probably because the subtitle is "a love story" but fuck, that's the subtitle for wristcutters too and that is an amazing movie. and it's richard bach is amazing, so i convinced myself to start reading it. being that it is a love story, evidently, it's probably going to end up making me sad later on, but right now it's nice, and reminiscent of illusions. side note - i happen to have TWO copies of a bridge across forever, hardback and paperback, which i discovered last night. why do i have two copies of everything? i don't know anyone who reads books.... so i have no idea who to give it to. anyway, i fell asleep after reading the first chapter of a bridge across forever, in which he debates whether or not there is such a thing as a soulmate, and why most of the really spiritually advanced people in history never seem to have a partner.
i personally think it's very unlikely that everyone has one soulmate. at least today that's what i think. tomorrow i might change my mind. free will, you know. i think it's far more likely that there are soulmates or soul groups, which can include friends and family or anyone that you are supposed to, or are more inclined to spend portions of your life with for whatever reason. for example, if there are soulmates, i am 100% sure that aurora is one of mine. she is just one of those rare people where i am like "she GETS it", not many people REALLY do. and on the romantic aspect,if we are going with this soulmate theory, then obviously a lot of people get with people that aren't one of their potential soulmates and have horrid relationships, and other people probably do get with others who are one of their soulmates but muck it up before for one reason or another. anyway, not to sound unromantic, but i doubt there is any ONE person for another. there are maybe a handful at least that you can have an almost perfect relationship with, it's just a matter of finding them. but i'm not even going to bother looking. all of mine are probably in siberia or something and i'll never find them if i look anyway. or i was already with all of them at some point and was too timid or too impatient and fucked it ten ways from sunday. i guess i will just wait for one to come to me or be alone. some days i like being alone, but most of the time i fucking despise it. oh well, goodnight. hopefully the sandman will be kind to me and bring me more nice dreams tonight, and if it continues, i will just attempt to sleep as much as possible from now on.

she just changes her mind

i heard the song "she's always a woman" by billy joel the other day... i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it was either at the mirkwood or at starbucks, since those are basically the only two places i go. anyway, it reminded me how when i was a kid, and other little girls my age were dreaming of growing up to be princesses and ballerinas or whatever the hell little girls dream of growing up to be, i wanted to grow up to be like the woman in that song; a fuckin badass. i don't know why it sounded appealing, it still does kind of. it's like shit, i can do whatever i want and you're gonna like it!

then, when i was a teenager, i wanted to be gwen stefani. make that - teenager through young adult. ok, i kind of still want to be gwen stefani. i mean, look at the woman for crying out loud!


she's like 40, has popped out a couple of kids, and she's still way hotter than i have ever been, or will ever be. of course i most prefer her look from the return of saturn era with the pink hair and bright colors and whatnot, but still. there were years there when i would go to the thrift store to get clothes and my basic fashion guideline was "would gwen wear this?". i ended up with a very eclectic wardrobe, as you might guess.

then in more recent years, i wanted to be like, a non-gothy version of neil gaiman's "death" from the sandman series. i definitely had her haircut for a while, and i wore an ankh necklace all the time to remind myself to not take things too seriously, to be of good cheer, see the goodness in people, and not to take things for granted. still good lessons.

well, clearly none of those things really ended up working out for me. i won't "promise you more than the garden of eden" then "carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding", nor am i a multi-millionaire rock chick with my own clothing line, and i also am not the grim reaper, sadly. i may have bits and pieces of all of those things, but i'm not really sure yet who i am, or what i am, or even what i want to be now. i guess you really spend your whole life figuring that out though, and i'm about a quarter of the way there, i suppose.

rough draft i guess

i knew a boy once and we became friends
then one day he told me he really liked me
but he couldn't read me
and he wanted to know if i felt the same
i didn't.

so for a while we acted like nothing had happened
i guess he decided that he couldn't stand it
because he grew distant and he wouldn't see me
and eventually we just stopped talking
and that's how i lost a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
then one day he confessed that he was in love with me
that it was for real, and that he was sorry
because he knew that i wouldn't feel the same
and i didn't.

so for a long time we acted like nothing had happened
then he moved on and he got a girlfriend
then he grew distant and then he ignored me
and still to this day i think that it's crappy
that i had to lose a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
i thought he might like me because i liked him
but in the end i guess he didn't.

you see, i barely saw him but we kept in touch
but really that wasn't nearly enough
he was too sweet to me, he was a tease
and one time i gave him a letter and said
all of the things in my heart and the things in my head
and after that, i never heard from him again
and that's a really shitty way to lose a friend

i knew a boy once and we became friends
and he liked me, and i liked him
then before i knew it, i was his girlfriend

so for a long time we were together
and he kind of scared me with his talk of "forever"
we didn't really have too much in common
and i wasn't really too sure why i liked him
some years went by and i lost who i was
i changed so much and realized that i wasn't in love
and i hated myself, and who i'd become
so i broke his heart and was so naive to think we could stay friends

now i know a boy, he's one of my friends
i guess he likes me, and i really like him
but he doesn't want a girlfriend.

so we're acting right now like nothing has happened
and we still hang out and i still see him
i just hope that he doesn't grow distant
because i just at least don't want to lose a friend.

no clever title

today was rather uneventful, i think. i know i'm supposed to be appreciating every little thing, but sometimes when i try to think back on the day, i have no idea what happened. i did some hair, that was cool. then i ate lunch, also kind of cool... i guess. looked at things on the internet, actually... pretty cool. i did come across (i.e. stalk out) jeffery self's blog, which is really smart and funny and cute and i already shared the link on facebook, but this entry in particular really made me smile :]

i'm not on tumblr or i would comment and tell him how his blog made me feel better about being lame.

in other news, this just happened between my break of typing that, and typing this...
creepy noises from the closet 10 feet away from us
alicia and kelsi look at the closet and look at eachother with wide eyes
alicia: what is that???
kelsi: ... stuff... falling in the closet, because i got something out of there earlier... i guess?
alicia: i hate you!
kelsi: well i mean, i guess that's what it is...
alicia: it was really scary! it was like Paranormal Activity shit
kelsi: so... not scary at all.
alicia: i thought our ceiling was going to start moving and our ouija board was going to light on fire.
fearful silence for a moment
ALICIA SCREAMS FUCKING BLOODY MURDER OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!!!!!!!!!
kelsi stares at her
kelsi: ...what???
alicia: i heard something, i was really scared!
kelsi: heard what?
alicia: a noise
kelsi: there was no noise
alicia: i was really scared! did i look scared?
kelsi: *laughing* yes...
alicia: i thought you were going to scream too and we were both going to die but then i looked at you and you were just staring at me...
both laughing
alicia: i think you really scared me with that split pea soup thing. at least we know i can scream really loud
kelsi: yeah, but it's 11 'o clock at night, and no one is helping us

the point of that was... there was no point. really... other than, i guess, if there is a murderer in our closet, he could easily kill us, and no one would save us because you can scream fucking loud enough to wake all of seattle and no one will care. so, if i don't show up to work tomorrow, that's why. also, i am still high on adrenaline and doubt that i will be able to sleep for a while now.

in OTHER other news, i'm fucking excited because my "flesh is for zombies" shirt - birthday present 2 of 4 to and from myself - arrived in the mail today and i'm totally going to wear it tomorrrowwwww, yeeeah boi!!! she shipped it out hella fast. the rest of the stuff i ordered won't arrive until after my birthday probably. tomorrow will be the first day in a week that i haven't worn my elliott smith hoodie (present 1 of 4) or my acrylicana jewelry since i got them last week. or maybe i will wear my hoodie, cuz it's awesome. :] also picked up Preacher #3 with my 40% off coupon. if you shop at Borders, i highly recommend getting a rewards card. it costs nada, and you get coupons like every friggin day.

that's... really all i've got. like i said, the rest of the day is kind of a blur. oh, other than i watched the movie Hostel for the first time. they puke a lot in it, which is pretty disgusting.

when i go back and read this post later, i will have no idea what i am referring to.

8 hours. 8 minutes. what's the fuckin' difference?

same thing we do every night, pinky.

washing dishes for an hour or so straight ain't so bad when you are wearing an awesome billy joel shirt, listening to elliott smith quite loudly, and have a big ol' bottle of bleach to pour into the sink to cover up the smell of week-old-rotting-whatever-the-cuss-that-used-to-be, so as not to vomit up cheesecake and coffee. cheesecake and coffee are not to be wasted.

aside from that, today consisted of:

1. sleeping in way too late, as blogged earlier
2. drinking 48 oz of coffee within about a 20 minute time span
3. watching mama mia, and getting really pissed off at pierce brosnan for existing
4. watching fido. awesomeee.
5. eating cheesecake, as one does.
6. watching tons and tons and tons of jeffery and cole casserole. heart heart heart.
6. realizing... hey, all i have consumed today was coffee and cheesecake and it's now past 10pm.
6. being bored enough to write about any of this.

tomorrow, it is back to work, but only for 3 days this week. i decided to take of saturday and sunday, as well as monday and tuesday, in order to celebrate my birthday. i plan on celebrating my birthday by... um... uhh..... uuhhhmmmm..... well i guess i could always... hmm............... shit.
 

Copyright © 2009 a short history of nearly nothing All rights reserved.
Converted To Blogger Template by Anshul Theme By- WooThemes